I've kicked my cough :)

I kinda feel like the doctors were a bit like Lucy. After an albuterol inhaler that drove me mentally insane, codine that I didn't take because Nathan told me not to, steroids that downed my immune system and let me catch a cold, and 2 different antibiotics, I'm finally almost all better. :) It's pretty cool, actually, how the Lord provided for me throughout all of this. I found $100 in my mailbox one day and went to the doctor with my insurance card to find out that the deductible (due that day) was $100. :) Then the second time, I sat in the pharmacy with 3 prescriptions on order and $42 in my bank account, praying that the Lord would provide. The medicines came to $40.92. Victor wondered if $1.08 was significant. I'm not sure. I just know that I laughed all the way home that day. :)

Keep you safe

Quiet your heart
It’s just a dream
Go back to sleep

I’ll be right here
I’ll stay awake as long as you need me
To slay all the dragons
And keep out the monsters
I’m watching over you

My love is a light
Driving away all of your fear
So don’t be afraid
Remember I made a promise to keep you safe

You’ll have your own battles to fight
When you are older

You’ll find yourself frozen inside
But always remember
If you feel alone
Facing the giants
And you don’t know
What to do

My love is a light
Driving away all of your fear
So don’t be afraid
Remember I made a promise to keep you safe

- JJ Heller



"I sought the Lord and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears." Ps. 34:4

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Phil. 4:13

Sometimes, I think, I'd like to go back to being a little girl again. To wear feet pajamas and have Daddy rubbing Vicks on my chest and Mommy brushing out my tangly hair and then to have them holding my hands while they tucked me in bed and prayed with me. It'd be nice to go to sleep thinking about riding my tricycle the next day and playing "blocks and people" and watching Sesame Street.

But as it is, I'm all grown up now, and so many things are running through my mind and tempting me to stress out every day. But the Lord gives grace and He is holding me in His arms. He's made a promise to keep me safe. He wants me to trust Him on that. So, okay, Lord. I'll seek to trust you more...and wait for you to deliver me from all my fears.

All the way

Today was a good day. After 10 1/2 hours of sleep last night, I got up around 9:00. I spent the morning with Heidi and Liam, a lady and her little boy from church. We went shopping...Aldi, HyVee, Walmart, Sam's, etc...and then we got Wendy's for lunch and I didn't get back to school until after 12 noon. I did homework all afternoon and this evening had a good chat with my mom. The Lord is taking good care of me, like He enjoys doing. I'm resting in Him.

Here are more song lyrics from JJ Heller. Her CD, Painted Red, is officially my new favorite.

Your Hands
I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still.

"Be still and know that I am God."

This week our trio, Three-for-One, sang the song, "All the Way my Savior Leads Me." That's my mom's favorite hymn, and it was so good to be reminded by the truth in that song. "Jesus leads me all the way!" Jim Elliot said "I am as sure of His direction as I am of His salvation." Wow, I want to be that trusting of my faithful, leading Savior! He will indeed make my crooked ways straight. :)

Invisible Love

If my arms could reach around you
I would never move
If my eyes could see you
I’d have no faith to prove
The wonder of invisible love

This is how it has to be
With you and me
The wonder of invisible love

When I fall I feel your arms
Before I reach the ground
Lord, I know your whisper
Though I’ve never heard the sound
The wonder of invisible love

This is how it has to be
With you and me
The wonder of invisible love

Someday there will be no time to mind
I will be your long awaited bride
We will dance away the night.

- JJ Heller



The Lord knows what we need. I spent a long, hard day today, feeling weary, sick, lonely, fearful...and He sent person after person to comfort and strengthen me. Then, right before supper, I curled up and cried and listened to this song over and over and begged Him for a hug. "I need you to hold me, Lord." Then, after supper, a friend asked me what was wrong and I told her how my day had gone, and she brought me to her dorm room and then held me in her arms for a long time and spoke words of truth to me of what God thinks of me and how He is using me and what He is doing in my life and what He is going to keep doing. She had no idea, but Jesus was reaching down to me through her arms and holding me and whispering to me through her voice. Maybe His love isn't so invisible after all. "For He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee..." Hebrews 13:5.

Rest

Sooo...there is an unreal amount of work to do within the next three weeks, but I really haven't been thinking much about it. I'm not sure if that's a bad or a good thing. :shrug: Well, at least I'm not worried about THAT aspect of life. :)

"Be still and know that I am God."

The Lord has been laying this principle on my mind over and over again in the past few weeks. Stillness. WHAT?

With this project on my mind and that relationship between those two friends and my friendship with this person and those people at church that I long to be helping out more but just don't have the time, and those kids I want to hang out with because I want to just love on them, and that floor hockey game I promised those freshmen I would watch, and that place to go observe ESL teaching at, and that person I promised to call and that person I need to write and that note I meant to leave in a fellow classmate's box, and being sick, and meeting to pray with others, and organizing Student Missionary Fellowship things, and encouraging that teacher, and printing off that assignment, and getting my jump drive back from that person, and tutoring this person in English comp, and having brunch with this freshman because I want to get to know her, and...and...and... that's not half the list, either.

Stillness?! Are you inSANE, God??

And so He answers... "Yes, child. Be still. Remember I am God. Remember that in eternity, all of this will be a dream and all that really will have mattered is how you glorified me. Remember that Jesus is THE priority in your life, not just one of them. You can rest because I've got everything under control."

So, if you're praying, please pray that I will rest in Him. He is my refuge and strength. Please pray that I will get everything done and not kill myself. I'm fighting a bad cough and even after a doctor visit and a dose of antibiotics I'm still sick and that kind of concerns me. Please pray that I will not stress out because I don't have enough hours in the day (and I truly mean that literally) to serve all of the people who need to be served in my life. :) I have to trust that the Lord will show me what are the most important things He wants me to do. So, yeah.

Here are some pictures from a picnic on Sunday. My friend Nathan is staying in Dubuque for a month while doing a rotation here for his medical training. We went on a picnic with two of my best friends from school, Naomi and Victor. Talk about the prettiest place in the city to have a picnic!! We had such a lovely time. I completely forgot about everything on my mind except these three precious friends and that was truly restful. Even if I only got 20 minutes of homework done that afternoon. :)

Notice the character coming out in this picture. Nathan is being some sort of "Caesar" I believe, eating his dainties. Victor is being his random self. Naomi is getting ready to throw a piece of popcorn at Nathan for his ridiculousness.





Yes, that is Dubuque in the background. I like it much better from up there above the city. :)